Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What's It Really Like?

Some people never have the opportunity to experience the things that a military wife does. Some of the things that a military wife experiences I wouldn't wish upon my worst of enemies, some of the things I pity those that don't get the opportunity. Let's talk about the worst things. Just because that's how I roll. Before I do, though, let me first explain that I realize that some of our soldiers have it much worse than those left behind. This should never be a game of who has it worse, but sometimes, just sometimes, a soldier has too much sand in his brain to realize what is going on back home. Let's begin.

A spouse that is left behind is forced to take on additional responsibilities, coupled with the added stress of worrying about her soldier, the fact that there is never a moment alone, and of course the fact that there is no boom boom in the boom boom room.

Although some may think it is a piece of cake to juggle all of these things, I invite you to take my position at any time. I give it one week. Max.

I would LOVE to watch you mow the grass without looking at where you are pushing the mower because you are watching a child whom at any moment will run into the street because you are busy and can't yell loud enough for them to hear over the motor. I would love to see how you handle using the restroom with the company of a child at all times. I would love to see you manage a shopping trip with children in tow and make it out of the store with all of the items that you intended and all children accounted for. I would love to see you be able to clean the house with children "helping" and with them constantly making yet another mess for you to clean. I would love to see you take the vehicle to get maintenance done, where you pay double what you should because you are taken advantage of, while your child runs around destroying the waiting area. I would love to see you be able to keep up with all important dates, all events, and any appointments on 3 hours of sleep a night. I would love to see you be the cheerleader that keeps the spirits of a soldier up on his darkest of days.

You see, I don't have someone that cooks me 3 meals a day. I have to keep children, whom know no better, alive. I don't have someone that does my laundry. I don't have someone sending me packages of my favorite snacks. I don't have the ability to watch what I want to on tv or play a game without interruption. I don't have the luxury of peeing or showering without the company of a child. I don't have the ability to run to the store to browse for a bit alone or even run in and grab an item quickly. I don't have the ability to spend time with other adults talking about adult things without constant interruption of a child. I am not only responsible for myself, but also for the children that are left behind, the house that is left behind, and attempting to maintain some sort of semblance of a relationship.

I do, however, see my children every day. I tuck them into bed every night. I am not (usually) concerned that any loud noise I hear is a bomb or gunshot of some sort. I am sleeping in the comfort and relative safety of my own bed. I do get to experience those first kisses over and over again. I get to fall in love with my soldier for who he is all over again. Our connection is deepened because all that is left is to talk. I get to anticipate his arrival and the thrill of seeing him for the first time in months. I get to relish in the honeymoon stage more than once.

The grass is always greener...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Too Close for Comfort

The events that occurred today, Thursday, November 5, 2009 blew me away completely. I never would have expected to hear that a soldier walked into a building full of other soldiers, on an Army post, and opened fire in this manner. The facts are still forthcoming of course, but what I do know is that for a while today, memories of September 11th were brought to the forefront of my mind.

DQ happened to be out of school early today. After she arrived, I was preparing to walk out the door to go to the store and run a couple of other errands. My sister happened to call at that time. That phone call may have saved my life. Seriously. I very well could have been in that very area, at that very time. It has bothered me all afternoon. I believe, more today than days before even, everything happens for a reason.

The reports given throughout the afternoon were conflicting and confusing. I think at this point there are still many questions left unanswered. What I do know is that there are many soldiers that lost their lives at the hand of another soldier and even more injured. The reasons why really don't even matter. All that matters is that lives were lost and lives were forever changed. I am forever changed. The way I look at my surroundings has changed.

Please keep all of the families and soldiers in your thoughts and prayers. I will have more to say in the next few days I am sure.